Youtube Poop News

Hot from the presses of the YouChewPoop News Office, Vorhias brings us a candid and shocking look at the truth behind MrSimon.

What does one think of when they think of the name “MrSimonAlt” or “The Electric Cheese”? Generally one thinks of the person who helped to popularize YouTube Poop when it was in its earliest years, made a lot of YTPMVs, and was in a perpetual state of boredom. Those are fair examples…but few people ever think of the horrors that THIS reporter found out, one dark and stormy night.

Rumors have been circulating all over the interwebs that MrSimon has had inexplicable connections to the horrifying underground race of creatures known as the Mole People. Most have found these rumors unfounded, but when I attempted to locate MrSimon for comment, he was notably tight-lipped about it, consistently changing the subject to things such as underhanded evil, and Cheatsy Koopa. Clearly MrSimon had something to hide, and as a reporter it was my duty to deliver the full scoop on whatever the big issue of the day was to you, the public. It was time to go rogue.

Upon leaving the YouTube Poop forums one night, I followed MrSimon to a secluded area down by the harbor, where no one would suspect a thing. A hidden switch which activated an equally hidden elevator proved what I had suspected all along…MrSimon knew how to operate an elevator. But what I would find next would shock me to the core.

The elevator led to a deep chasm, where lo and behold (But mostly lo) an entire civilization of Mole People thrived, building towers out of stalactites, singing off-key mole songs, and digging. A lot of digging. Oh god dammit, the digging. I could only watch as MrSimon climbed a stairway of shale, and sit atop a stone throne, where he would unzip the human suit he was wearing and reveal his TRUE self, as Queen of the Mole People, training and rallying her fellow Mole-folk to her, preparing to take back the surface world with their magical earthquake machine.

As of now, this article goes published, with nothing but cold hard facts in mind. Everything I had said is true, despite what many lawsuits from prominent Mole People celebrities can attest. A few things were changed to protect the innocent, however, including the names, the date, the time period, and the actual event itself.

Article fabricated by Vorhias.
Despite any and all outward appearances this is not satire. This is cold hard facts. Except for the lies.