Youtube Poop News

Nazism, Dr. Robotnik, Ideh. These are the things most commonly associated with Youtube Pooper, StegBlob. What often gets lost in this melange of horrendous degradation is the fact that once everything else is stripped away, he is at root: an anthromorphic pigeon. It’s this lack of understanding that has made this most recent YouTube Poop scandal all the more sensational.

On the 17th of April, in the dead of night, a security guard for a company called Very Comfortable Sassy Pants Yes, (They’re owned by Namibians) reported an intruder on the premises. The intruder hadn’t stolen anything, and hadn’t left any trace of his being there apart from leaving the statue of the company’s founder, (CEO Nwabudike Zacheatscrackers.) completely covered in excrement, as well as 3 mysterious-looking feathers.

Utilizing my expert gotcha-style brand of YTP-journalism, on a hunch I set up a trap for this perpetrator at another location with prominent ego-bursting-at-the-seams-due-to-a-severe-lack-of-talent-or-depth-of-character statues situated everywhere. (Link123456’s house.) Naturally assuming this criminal was a bird of some sort (Or some sort of fecopheliac fursona) I lined my trap with the perfect bait for birds. (That’s right, BACON.) Of course the bait was taken, and I had my camera ready to take the shot immediately, and lo and behold once the film developed I discovered it was none other than our community’s beloved StegBlob. Once so proud, now emptying his bowels over statues while eating bacon.

When pressed for comments StegBlob told me: “This is being blown way out of proportion, I’m a pigeon ferchrissakes! It’s what pigeons do to statues! Fish gotta fly and birds gotta swim or something like-”

Our interview was cut short, however, when Steg dove from his seat for some bread crumbs sitting atop a counter.

What has the community’s reaction been to this whole confusing state of affairs? A combination of both disgust, confusion, ambivalence, and yearning for some bacon. I asked another prominent pooper, BigMarioAndTailsFan, for his comment.

“I can’t blame him for following his bird/nazi hybrid instincts, frankly.” He said. “But public defecation is still a pretty disgusting crime. It’s deviant, it’s degrading, and it ruins communities.” He said with feckless resolve. “…I mean I don’t do it,” he quickly added with a cough.

Article by Vorhias.