Youtube Poop News

Many of you may have heard of thereisnospork303’s infamous video “o hai i kiled ur presidnet,” but sadly many of you at the same time have not. I pity you. I pity you and all your friends and families and cats because you haven’t watched this epic tome. If you have not seen this video, you are not living properly. You seriously need mental help if you haven’t watched this video yet, that’s how mind numbingly moving it is. But why should this video be any more moving than, say… “Robotnik Wants KFC” or “Spelling Bees Are Serious Sh*t?”

I’ll tell you why. Because those videos don’t hold a torch to this one. Because those videos don’t have the same power behind them as this one. Because… Those videos don’t hold a torch to this one! This single video, running at exactly 30 seconds, contains all the secrets of life, and to pass through life without watching it is like having your genitalia surgically (Or non-surgically) removed and saying “Hey, I don’t need these anymore!” You might as well do us all the favor now so we won’t have more of you running around, NOT watching this video. Go on. I’ll wait until you’re done before I continue. I’ve got all the time in the world.

So, you done removing your genitalia? Or did you get some powerful sex organs and go watch the video? Stunning, isn’t it? Let’s start by giving this the serious points, hitting the high and the (non-existent) lows.

Plot (10/10) – It was a beautiful plot that built up the suspense all the way to the epic climax. And don’t think all the glory stopped there. It gave a firm finish unlike other films that leave you hanging, expecting some sort of sequel, before punching you in the face with either disappointment or… Disappointment, if the sequel sucked. Let’s take it scene by scene.

In this frame, you’ll notice the beginning of our hero’s magical adventure. He has set out to conquer Dallas Texas in his limo, surrounded by the heroine of the story and their faithful sidekick, McButlerFace. They also have a whole brigade of security to do the fighting for them.

As the march to domination continues, you notice how the suspense starts to build. You feel it, you know something’s coming, but you’re not sure what. Like those scary movies at the drive-in when you scream “DON’T GO IN THERE, YOU STUPID BIMBO!” And then…

BAM! The climax! Everything comes together. After their long and struggling journey, a dear friend is lost to them. Everything’s happened so fast, and the long battle that ensues is heartbreaking.

The movie doesn’t leave you there, no. As you see, it gives you a sorrow-filled ending with Mrs. Kennedy combating with her emotions. The movie ends their, SUCCESSFULLY leaving room for a sequel.

All-in-all, this is the most intricate plot I have ever come to see. With it’s mixture of emotion, scenes for both men and women, but certainly not children and dogs, this is THE feel good hit of the summer. I give it a solid 10/10. And the first ever Nuthead award for in astounding of achievement in the literary excellence. I just made them as of 15 seconds ago.

Soundtrack (10/10) – As if the movie itself wasn’t heart-stopping, we are given potentially the best soundtrack to a movie that has ever graced our ears. It is as if angels have fallen from heaven into he- Hollywood just to sing us this beautiful master track. The music brought suspense like I’d never felt before, and left me with a mixture of goose-bumps, chills, and an erection. Go buy the soundtrack, today. It’s perfect for this film, it’s perfect for the drive to work, it’s perfect for eating dinner, hell it’s ALSO PERFECT FOR TAKING PENS IN MOUTH. So if you don’t have the soundtrack right now, you might as well go jump off a bridge. Go on. I’ll wait. I’m not leaving. Just hurry up so I can continue.

I give the soundtrack a solid 10/10. Had you in suspense, didn’t I?

Replay Value (10/10) – It’s the perfect gift for everyone, and its replay value is stunning. I’ve gone through this time and time again, always trying to beat my best time, but I can’t seem to do any faster than 30 seconds. While everyone I know has been stuck at the 30 second mark, I have heard rumor of one master who has achieved a world record of 28 seconds on it. Personally, I think he used a game genie. But the challenge value isn’t too hard, but not too easy either. Making it the perfect thing to play again and again. 10/10

Player Ratings (10/10) – They gave it a 10/10, too.

So overall, you can see why this is such a smash hit, why it has sold out in every box office, and why everyone can’t stop talking about it in public to the point it’s no longer meaningful. If you haven’t watched it by the time you’ve finished reading this, then there is no hope for you. If you did not find this video amazing, then there is no hope for you. If you haven’t watched it again by the time you finish this sentence, then there is no hope for you. If you have watched this video, don’t worry. You’re cool. Well, not cool like me, just so-so cool. The kind of “You’re okay” cool. This is off-subject though, let’s save it for the review that really matters: The one about me, me, me. Point in case: This is the greatest thing to ever grace youtube, and if you don’t own a copy of this or have it on your phone/iPod, if you haven’t shown this to all your friends or families, if you haven’t memorized every line in the video by now, then may there no mercy for you. I wish you the worst of luck, and I spit in your direction. Bet that hurts, to know I’m spitting while thinking angrily about you right now. Now GET OUT! 10/10, case closed. No arguing with those facts. Go watch it again.

Article fabricated by Nuthead, minor edits by RabbitSnore