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May

27

The Wickerman (2006) - “Didn't Even Know You Had A Plot”

Category: Media, Quick Reviews | 1 Comment

May

8

Sunset Blvd. [60 years old]

Category: Media, Quick Reviews | 5 Comments

Written by Malkmusian and an obscure reference goes here for this movie review.

Billy Wilder is considered by many to be one of the greatest comedy directors of all time.

However, what some people forget to recall was that he was a notable film noir auteur who implemented reverberating and timely satire into his films, including 1945’s Double Indemnity with Barbara Stanwyck and 1950’s Sunset Blvd. with William Holden, Gloria Swanson, and former silent film stalwart Erich von Stroheim.

Taking the unbelievable and combining it with real-life decadence that took place at the time, Wilder’s Sunset Blvd. has not only become an expose on the lifestyle of long-past-their-prime actors and actresses in Hollywood but also a pop cultural phenomenon as well, giving the close-up a negative connotation.

The film is primarily about Joe Gillis (Holden), a struggling screenplay writer who tries to submit his experimental psychological drama akin to that of Vertigo and future Hitchcock films to Paramount Pictures, who turn it down - ironically - forcing Joe to move back to Ohio.

However, due to Joe’s tax evasion, the scriptwriter ends up at the house of faded actress/oil magnate Norma Desmond (Swanson), where her ex-husband and former director-turned-servant Max (von Stroheim) bathes her in a constant stream of her own ego, making her believe that she was responsible for the success of Paramount Pictures in the 1920s.

What Joe does not know was that Norma wants to have somebody adapt her trite melodramatic epic Salome for a film hopefully directed by Cecil B. DeMille, who, along with Max, gave her a bit too much of an ego.

The story is the greatest thing about the film itself, it being an attack on the focus on big-budget (at the time) epics and the decadence and greed of actors and actresses (possibly, on purpose, von Stroheim the butler directed a film in 1925 called Greed, about such decadence), especially directors like Cecil B. DeMille who were obsessed with success and spectacle that they would direct such trite like Salome if it meant instantaneous success.

What makes the story scary is that all of its omens about the death of originality and the resurrection of decadence is relevant to this day. To this day, there exists little to no auteurs - Wes Anderson, Quentin Tarantino, and Christopher Nolan being some of the only modern-day ones - and even if there were some stalwarts, they now direct hackneyed adaptations of Nicholas Sparks melodrama in hopes of success among the unwisened audiences.

Faded stars buy real estate or anything that “pumps” in the money, adding to their greed. Most of these stars were from an era long past - save for Molly Ringwald and Macaulay Culkin - when they were in high demand. Lord knows they want a comeback. Lord knows they will go to extremes, even murder, to get their way.

The cinematography also makes a big impression on the viewer, showing Joe’s floating body from the bottom of the pool in one scene to the overall mise-en-scene throughout the cleverly-written satire. It also gives effect to Joe’s growing lust for Norma whenever he runs back to her when she attempts to kill herself out of loneliness.

If anything detracts from the film, it would probably be the overdramatic efforts on Gloria Swanson’s behalf to give life into Norma Desmond. According to the script, Norma is supposed to be a parody of the dying actress who still thinks she has it, but Swanson gives her something else: the actress who just can’t let go of her past.

However, a mentally-scarred actress need not to be melodramatic all of the time and ridicuously decadent. The monkey she buries was overdoing it a sliver - then again, that is Wilder’s style.

I give the film an A+ mainly for its story and cinematography, while the acting was not much of a problem to subtract any points.

This film is essential for anybody who likes dark satires that are still relevant in today’s society, i.e. Network, A Face in the Crowd, Matinee.

Mar

10

Avast Nerd's Ass

Category: Poop Reviews, Media, Quick Reviews | 4 Comments

Article written by Guysafari, does anyone still read the front page anymore?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuGQZuOeKVA

This is a YTPMV made by a user named KernalPicnic. He/she used a song called Avast. I am unaware of the song’s origin unfortunately. I believe it’s from the Keygen Jukebox (Formally referenced in “The Keygen Collab” I believe). The source KernalPicnic used to make this YTPMV was AVGN. It used his “Bible Games” review and his NES accessories review. It mostly consisted of the NES accessories review footage.

It’s a decent YTPMV. The pitch-shifting was spot on (with the exception of the parts where he/she used the clip where AVGN hit a key on the Nintendo piano *used in the NES accessories review.*; that part seemed a little flat at some parts.). I also find it a tad repetitive since the YTPMV only consisted of 5 clips. The clips being:
- AVGN hitting a key on the NES piano *mentioned earlier*.
- AVGN talking about the NES Rollin’ Rocker.
- Gameplay of the “Bible Games” Review (or it could be just gameplay in general. I find it more likely to be AVGN’s review though).
- AVGN hitting the PowerPad.

It also doesn’t suffer from using overused sources. AVGN isn’t used in YTPMV’s half as much as Nostalgia Critic’s 50 impersonations in 60 second video. The song isn’t all that overused either (But people are making more Avast YTPMV’s so it’s likely to become an overused song.).

The YTPMV may be repetitive, but the visuals are great. I especially like how KernalPicnic organized the clips with the crop effect. The screen split to make the video resemble a 2-player video game, and the layout changed throughout the entire video. They could have been better though. Although there was a plentiful amount of effects in it, There seemed to be a lack of color-altering effects. It only used some Sony Vegas plug-in effects and some picture-altering effects (i.e. wave, spherize, TV Simulator, etc.) The Bible Games gameplay is shown on the bottom of the screen via the Sony Vegas cookie cutter effect. it has no individual effects. it just flips horizontally and vertically. I’d give it an A-minus when it comes to the visuals.

As I stated earlier, it’s an adequate YTPMV. The main problem it suffers from is the lack of variety; This causes it to sound like more of a Midi than a YTPMV. It also doesn’t use any more than 5 clips and it doesn’t improvise with the song. KernalPicnic could have used some of AVGN’s screaming to go in rhythm of the song at certain parts. I find it to be quite catchy nonetheless (Mainly the beginning in the middle. It starts to lose it towards the end. Avast Nerd’s Ass is 2 minutes and 13 seconds long.). I’d give it 4 stars out of five.

Mar

7

MegaMan 10: The Blue Plague

Category: Media, Quick Reviews | 8 Comments

Article written by Christoph while I try to remember… things.

Capcom loves their fans and proved that fact with the release of MegaMan 9. With the classic MegaMan revival a success, they now bring us MegaMan 10, which will prove to be another success. The game follows the same usual conventions in it’s choice of eight robot-masters and then Wily Castle stages as well as the usual story of these games (either Wily is bad or something else is happening and ultimately Wily is bad). MM10 features new things like mission-like challenges, different difficulties, and the inclusion of ProtoMan right off the bat (not as DLC like in MM9), but it is also full of it’s nostalgic music, graphics, and difficulty.

The gang are finally here

In the year 20XX, everything was swell until the robot sickness, Roboenza begins its breakout. This wouldn’t be a problem unless it actually involved our beloved Rock Man, so his dear sister Roll gets down with the sickness. Eight of the infected robots around the world begin causing trouble. That’s when Dr. Wily barges in claiming he has a “medicine-making machine” and that these robots took the parts to his deus-ex machina. MegaMan then proceeds to go save the world. The story gets dumber along the way and I’ll let you find out how Dr. Wily fucks himself on this one (the old man must have Alzheimer’s disease.) Hearing that ol’ MegaMan needs help, his brother ProtoMan drops by to say that for some reason MegaMan isn’t able to do this by himself and so the brother work together. The stories for the two barely differ, but the important thing is that the story sucks and is not the story of how Zero is born, kills everyone, and sets the stage for MegaMan X. It doesn’t happen, so clearly Capcom isn’t done whoring out classic MegaMan yet (expect to see MM11 in the next 2 years).

Please forgive me, it was an imposter that did it

The game is hard. Harder than MM9, at least, because of a few reasons. For one, the boss weapons need to be used in a specific manner to make them effective against the bosses (for example, the boss who is weak to the Commando Bomb will not be damaged by being hit with the bomb itself, but rather being hit by the bomb’s explosion). Another thing that adds to the difficulty is harder mini-bosses and longer Wily stages. These can get frustrating on your first play-through of the game, but in the future I’m sure they won’t be so bad. The game delivers top-of-the-line quality in it’s gameplay and that is what matters. It’s difficult for the right reasons. Not because of bad controls or cheap tactics. There is a proper solution to everything.

If you can’t handle the normal difficulty then Capcom is ready to hand you your yellow t-shirt, you coward. Easy Mode comes available from the start if you feel that you need experience before attempting the Normal Mode. It is incredibly simple, however. I may be biased because I’ve played through the game once before trying Easy, but if you have any skill in MegaMan you shouldn’t have much trouble. Pitfalls are covered up, there are less enemies, stronger enemies lose some of their attacks, and even bosses become slower, weaker, and easier to kill. I didn’t even have to use a continue (which was a nice and easy way to get the challenge achievement for beating the game without using a continue). I honestly felt insulted at times with the difficulty, as the game often threw those odd pin-wheel shaped items from MegaMan 1 at me that always gave me full health. If you would feel insulted by this too, then you’re in luck. Those who beat the Normal difficulty are rewarded with a HARD difficulty. Trust me, it’s called Hard Mode for a purpose.

The game features time-attack like before, though now you can attach a replay of your speed-runs to the leaderboard if you make it on there so that the world can see just how it’s possible for you to be so awesome. There are 3 blank spaces for the Time-Attack stages so it’s easy to assume there are going to be 3 more DLC stages. If you don’t like being rushed but still want a challenge, the Challenges mode is where you want to go. Like before in MM9 you get a list of achievements under “Challenges 2,” but a new mission mode lies under “Challenges 1″. After you beat the game you unlock these challenges that ask you to do something. You pick a challenge, which could be anything from defeating Wily’s final boss form to running from point A to point B, and then you get sent to a small stage built specifically for the challenge. Some of these are easy, and some of these will have you trying to beat it over and over again. It’s a fun addition to the game to be sure.

The game is also the first in the classic series to include three playable characters: MegaMan, ProtoMan, and Bass. While Bass is only available in the form of DLC that will become available in April, the other two are accessible from the start. MegaMan plays like he does in the original two games: just a plain buster with no fancy tricks. ProtoMan has access to said tricks, though there is a trade-off. While ProtoMan can use a charge-up buster, slide, and a shield in mid-air he does take extra damage and is knocked-back further when damaged. Bass looks to provide something unique to the 8-bit MegaMan games: 7-directional shooting. Bass’s buster cannot charge up and is supposedly weaker, but he can dash forward and combine with his robot dog, Treble, to form a stronger, flying Bass.

The 3rd Classic Megaman game with a character select

There isn’t much else to say about the game. I have one complaint: on the Wii version you can use the Wii Remote, but the buttons A and B cycle through the weapons you have. This sounds useful, but the B button on a Wii Remote tends to get in the way sometimes. I found myself accidentally changing weapons in the middle of a fight and losing because I shot Thunder Wool when I needed to shoot the Wheel Cutter. It’s my only complaint, though. It’s $10 for a good sized game, many extra modes and features, and contains some of the best game music, graphics, and gameplay you’ll get all year. With all the challenges, time-attack stages, extra characters, and extra difficulties, you’re really getting a lot of game for a mere $10. There is even one special part of the game where you may see a familiar boss or two if you’ve played through past MegaMan games. You must get this if you’ve ever enjoyed MegaMan. Just watch out for BladeMan. He’s a real asshole.

Feb

3

Silence Poopgood’s Poop Reviews: January’s Accumulation

Category: Poop Reviews, Quick Reviews, Poop News | 7 Comments

Great sorrow lies in me, O Youchew, as I reflect upon my absence from you during the coldest and darkest month of December. No report came, no call to glory; nay, nothing came to soothe your sorry spirits so sore, and for this I apologize vehemently. But were the truth be told, and it will, for I have never spoken a falsehood to you, Youchew my love, it was not by malignant choice, nor by free will perverted that I dared not do my sacred duty towards this pillar of the internet most-revered. No indeed, I was beset by the greatest of maladies that left me in a daze all of December. For I had watched a plethora of Dr. Rabbit poops, and in doing so, caught a terrible case of AIDS that no amount of potato chips or Octorok cock could drive off. So I lay bedridden, listless, and useless.

However, I come to you now, a wiser, though perhaps not stronger, man, who nonetheless sees the task before him.
To compensate for my gross negligence, I will present not one, not two, but rather, three youtube poops that were worthy of mention for the new year, a glorious new year in the history of poopdom. For as the sun doth rise again after the night, fellow Patriots, so do I rise again waving the banner of freedom from oppression, perseverance in difficulty, and toast for dinner.

The Legend of UYAHH vol.3 by RetardedAnimeParody, alias YuiHirasawa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_XB9kwAR2c

The distinguished patriot RetardedAnimeParody has been known by many names in the course of Youchew’s history. I remember RAPeX earliest as ThisAccountIsClosed, through the Chewiki, and later, as RetardedAnimeParody, ReallyAwesomeParody, and myriad other names, not counting his latest. But whatever he has deigned to call himself, I know I can count on the lover of all things Japanese, perverted, and pervertedly Japanese to provide us with a level of quality and commitment that is rarely seen amongst patriots in this day and age. Young Youchewers can learn much from a man who has had his accounts suspended manifold times because of his hentai traps, only to surface anew with more and better videos (though alas, the lost work of his earlier years will always be missed). This video clearly shows the lovable spark that made RAPeX so entertaining to begin with (aside from the lack of hentai).

This poop begins, as with most of the classic Power Rangers poops with Rita Repulsa being her usual crazy self. The manipulations only continue from there, as the video gains a very meta Anti-Poop field with most of the dialogue removed from the Power Rangers, leaving them to existentially blurt out UYAHHHH constantly. One then realizes that these grunts and screams are about the majority of the dialogue of Power Rangers, and RAPeX has not really taken anything away by removing most of the dialogue. This makes the video more humorous for my tastes, on top of the already improbable fight scenes and ridiculously lack-luster monsters that the series is known for. When the ‘giant colonial rats’ appear, you’ll know that YuiHirasawa still has an eye for the ridiculous, and will be wishing, like the moronic Darth Sidious pumpkin-head demon thing, that he’ll continue on, doing ‘exactly what [we] want him to do!’

Mr. T Experiments with Magic Mushrooms by Yakkers171717

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAZk-Rdvh9A

Somewhat of a newcomer to the youtube poop community, this video shows that young master Yakkers is in possession of great promise, and hopefully due to this mentioning, some much deserved notoriety in the circles and echelons of connoisseurs of poopdom.
For a man like Mr. T., with his easily lampoonable nature and comedic pop-cultural value, I, fellow Patriots, am duly surprised that in truth I honestly don’t find many youtube poops starring the famous mohawk-machine. Perhaps it may be that I do not look hard enough, but in any event, laudable videos starring such an easy target are made even more praise-worthy because even by using recognizable sources, the youtube pooper manages to make something fresh and enjoyable. And I hardly could think of a more worthy example in January than this video Yakkers has made.

A classic youtube poop in feel, execution, and layout, the video follows the bungling Mr. T. desperately trying to hold back the lunacy of the infomercial he is trapped in, the lunacy brought about by clever sentence mixing and painstakingly funny reaction shots and pacing. When the adjectives used to describe a big, fat, juicy steak are instead used to describe an altogether different part of the Mr. T anatomy, I knew I had found something worth showing to you, Youchew. It will bring you back to a simpler time, when people strove not for forced creativity, or warred needlessly over stylistic preferences, but instead found simple pleasure in making a popular character say childish swear words.
A pleasure that is still to be relished in our time, Youchewsters.

Japanese Teachers are Easily Impressed by DaftpunkYoshi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Oo-Uy86v5M

Daftpunk is known for a style that relies often on heavy editing to get the point across, leading to what some would call a self-appointing title of “Windows Movie Master”, for having his editor of choice be the long-bastion of great AIDS and great lulz, the indomitable WMM. This heavy editing is in full force here, as we watch the highly non-sequential overtures of a Japanese teacher eerily concerned with the goings-on of a young Japanese boy. With this and the video by RAPeX, I will let the reader come to his or her own conclusions about the Japanese people.

I say non-sequential because in this video, it is not like the Mr. T poop, which tells a story through the course of a heavily warped infomercial. Here, one singular commercial is taken and broken up into tiny bits, rearranged, and edited mercilessly ad infinitum. Some criticize this type of approach to making youtube poops, while others praise it above all others. However, for whatever your view on the this great glorious shit medium, one cannot help be entertained by the constant jarring juxtapositions of the no-doubt pedophiliac school teacher, the views of the game boy color game itself, and the young boy oblivious to the chaos surrounding him. This great mess is a cacophony of caca, and one I think worthy not only of the alternative crowd of Chewsters, who proclaim that only through over-editing is their true poop, and the more traditional Chewfags, who insist on clever placement and pacing. A Poop for All Seasons, Youchew.

That is all I have the strength to report to you this time, fellow patriots. But do not let my singular illness stop you from enjoying these poops and many more at your own leisure. For in the hallowed walls of the Showroom, one always finds the truest remedies to all of life’s ills, whether that remedy be Dinner, Your Face, or even Dodongo Dong (all of which I assure you are very effective).

keep looking »

Categories

May

27

The Wickerman (2006) - “Didn't Even Know You Had A Plot”

May

8

Sunset Blvd. [60 years old]

Mar

10

Avast Nerd's Ass

Mar

7

MegaMan 10: The Blue Plague

Feb

3

Silence Poopgood’s Poop Reviews: January’s Accumulation