Youtube Poop News

Ohayocon 2010: RabbitSnore's Account

February 05, 2010 By: RabbitSnore Category: Editorial, Poop News, Site News 11 Comments →

About a week ago, on January 29, I rushed back from class to my apartment in New York City. Wasting no time, I grabbed the bags I packed the night before and hopped on the closest bus, riding it to the house of Thereisnospoon303 (TINS), where he and my brother Black_Puffin were waiting. In a few minutes, we drove off to La Guardia Airport, and shortly thereafter, we were on a flight to Columbus, Ohio. After several months of planning, we were finally en route to Ohayocon, the first anime convention we had ever attended – but this was so ordinary anime convention: We were traveling across several states, spending hundreds of dollars, and taking the risk of being caught by security with all those drugs hidden in my rectum, for the purpose of meeting six other members of the Forum.

TINS and I have administrated YouChew for approximately two years. If you were to have told me, as we began the transfer of administrative power from Conrad Slater to us, in two years, that as a direct result of maintaining the forum, I would find myself in Columbus, Ohio to meet people I had up till then only known online, I would have looked at you incredulously and asked you if your brain was running on Lussumo Vanilla, that software that kept crashing every time I tried to install it on the new server. But it seems I am frequently surprised these days. Our finding our way to Ohayocon was an unexpected result of being the administrator of YouChew, but it was certainly a welcome surprise.

The night we arrived, the three of us took a cab to the convention center, and for the first time face-to-face, we met Dillrod90, who was primarily and most directly responsible for the planning and organization of this gathering, and RedLuigi, a user with whom I’d frankly not had much contact at all. The following day, we met with Ruthie, Deepercutt, NoTAMATZ, and TheSfarioBros. All of us hit it off with relative ease. It was, as Dillrod so aptly put it, “like meeting old friends for the first time.”

Later, I asked RedLuigi what he had thought the convention and meeting others from the forum would be like:

“I honestly didn’t know what to expect. I had no idea what any of the members would be like in real life. ‘Are they all gonna be massive douche bags? Are they gonna be huge nerds with no life? Are the more popular members going to disapprove of me, etc?’ Things like that. And I’m very glad to say that [everyone was] very nice and very…

As for the con itself, …it was pretty much what I expected. Full grown men playing dress-up and being kawaii.”

Thanks largely to the preparatory efforts of Dillrod and thanks to our mutual ability to get along, the meeting was a striking, if surprising, success. Indeed, some of us had less than optimistic expectations for the potential gathering of forum members. “I thought the meet up would be a horrible failure,” TheSfarioBros told me. “Ohayocon is held in a very large building, making it difficult to coordinate groups of people. I expected people to be lost, confused, and frustrated most of the time. I also feared that, if we even found each other in the first place, that people would divide themselves up into groups and go do their own thing without really talking to or getting to know any of the members that were present. All of these pessimistic preconceptions were dashed when everyone eventually got together and we ended up having a great time.”

NoTAMATZ echoes this incredulity as he told me, “I guess I was slightly worried that we would all be too socially awkward to carry on a good conversation but I was wrong. I admit that in the first hour or so, it was a little awkward for myself but after a while, I had no problem with being relaxed. You bros were good like that.”

It surprised me as well that we were so readily able to connect with each other and laugh at most of the same things, but I suppose it stands to reason given our shared humor on the forum. All the same, it was a pleasant discovery that it did not take long for us to relax around us, and any awkwardness dissolved quickly, allowing us to get to know each other better. “[Deepercutt] sucks at frisbee but is awesome for getting me that retro Amy plushie,” said Ruthie when I asked her what she thought of those she met at the con. “I’d also like to add that TINS is quite the handsome man.”

We all spent a good amount of time attending events around the convention, enjoying each other’s company and conversation, and engaging in general merriment. We reveled in the antics of TINS infiltrating a Sailor Moon cosplay photoshoot, dressed as TF2’s BLU Spy, disguised as Ami Mizuno. As Ruthie remarked, the episode “was just sheer brilliance.” Best of all, there is copious photographic evidence to prove it.

Just as planned, we gathered at Buca di Beppo near the convention center on Saturday night for a group dinner. The forum’s group was in full attendance there, as we ate damn good Italian food, made wisecracks about the restaurant’s décor, laughed hard, and shared some of the most memorable experiences of the trip. As per request, our waitress brought out a cake, decorated to order with the words, “NO YOU FABRIC,” written across it in what I can only describe as the most putridly radioactive green I have ever seen in my adult life.

To cap off the evening, we retreated to Dillrod’s hotel room, where we unsuccessfully attempted to hook up a DVD player to the television in the room. After some consternation over the failure to play Attack of the Clones, we decided to search through the in-room movies available for order, hoping to find a film sufficiently horrendous to watch and riff. Finally, we settled on X-Men Origins: Wolverine, through which a great deal of jokes were born regarding Hugh Jackman and his sweaty body. Taking cracks at the film was one of my fondest memories of the trip; we were all relaxed and able to enjoy ourselves as a group of friends. RedLuigi perhaps said it the most succinctly: “…[D]espite some of the differences we all may have, we can all still join together and tear the holy fuck out of a bad movie.”

By the following evening, we had all gone our separate directions, back home, bidding each other farewell and, “See you on the forum.” “Honestly the hardest part of that entire meetup was leaving,” said TheSfarioBros, “as corny as that may sound.” And I must agree with him. After spending a great weekend with great people, going back to New York was the sorriest part of the trip. As TINS, Puffin, and I took up our bags from the convention center and we began making our way to the airport, the radio came alive in the taxi, playing Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time. “It has to be a sad song that plays as we’re leaving,” remarked TINS, “doesn’t it?” Indeed, TINS. It must be a sad song from the mid ‘80s. It must. That’s just the way these things work.

Let the success of nine people from an online forum meeting at a convention full of teenaged girls and grown men dressing in sailor fukus be an evidence that the there is no space between people that cannot be bridged with the proper application of airfare and Italian restaurant reservations. The sentimentalist in me feels that this trip was something special; something that brought the YouChew community closer together; something tangible that demonstrates that we are not dissociated, disembodied, and inscrutable creatures at a distance, but real, knowable people –- as Dillrod called us, old friends who have, most of us, never met.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f17RZut5Ga0

Article by RabbitSnore.

Silence Poopgood’s Poop Reviews: January’s Accumulation

February 03, 2010 By: Furnessly Category: Poop Reviews, Quick Reviews, Poop News 7 Comments →

Great sorrow lies in me, O Youchew, as I reflect upon my absence from you during the coldest and darkest month of December. No report came, no call to glory; nay, nothing came to soothe your sorry spirits so sore, and for this I apologize vehemently. But were the truth be told, and it will, for I have never spoken a falsehood to you, Youchew my love, it was not by malignant choice, nor by free will perverted that I dared not do my sacred duty towards this pillar of the internet most-revered. No indeed, I was beset by the greatest of maladies that left me in a daze all of December. For I had watched a plethora of Dr. Rabbit poops, and in doing so, caught a terrible case of AIDS that no amount of potato chips or Octorok cock could drive off. So I lay bedridden, listless, and useless.

However, I come to you now, a wiser, though perhaps not stronger, man, who nonetheless sees the task before him.
To compensate for my gross negligence, I will present not one, not two, but rather, three youtube poops that were worthy of mention for the new year, a glorious new year in the history of poopdom. For as the sun doth rise again after the night, fellow Patriots, so do I rise again waving the banner of freedom from oppression, perseverance in difficulty, and toast for dinner.

The Legend of UYAHH vol.3 by RetardedAnimeParody, alias YuiHirasawa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_XB9kwAR2c

The distinguished patriot RetardedAnimeParody has been known by many names in the course of Youchew’s history. I remember RAPeX earliest as ThisAccountIsClosed, through the Chewiki, and later, as RetardedAnimeParody, ReallyAwesomeParody, and myriad other names, not counting his latest. But whatever he has deigned to call himself, I know I can count on the lover of all things Japanese, perverted, and pervertedly Japanese to provide us with a level of quality and commitment that is rarely seen amongst patriots in this day and age. Young Youchewers can learn much from a man who has had his accounts suspended manifold times because of his hentai traps, only to surface anew with more and better videos (though alas, the lost work of his earlier years will always be missed). This video clearly shows the lovable spark that made RAPeX so entertaining to begin with (aside from the lack of hentai).

This poop begins, as with most of the classic Power Rangers poops with Rita Repulsa being her usual crazy self. The manipulations only continue from there, as the video gains a very meta Anti-Poop field with most of the dialogue removed from the Power Rangers, leaving them to existentially blurt out UYAHHHH constantly. One then realizes that these grunts and screams are about the majority of the dialogue of Power Rangers, and RAPeX has not really taken anything away by removing most of the dialogue. This makes the video more humorous for my tastes, on top of the already improbable fight scenes and ridiculously lack-luster monsters that the series is known for. When the ‘giant colonial rats’ appear, you’ll know that YuiHirasawa still has an eye for the ridiculous, and will be wishing, like the moronic Darth Sidious pumpkin-head demon thing, that he’ll continue on, doing ‘exactly what [we] want him to do!’

Mr. T Experiments with Magic Mushrooms by Yakkers171717

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAZk-Rdvh9A

Somewhat of a newcomer to the youtube poop community, this video shows that young master Yakkers is in possession of great promise, and hopefully due to this mentioning, some much deserved notoriety in the circles and echelons of connoisseurs of poopdom.
For a man like Mr. T., with his easily lampoonable nature and comedic pop-cultural value, I, fellow Patriots, am duly surprised that in truth I honestly don’t find many youtube poops starring the famous mohawk-machine. Perhaps it may be that I do not look hard enough, but in any event, laudable videos starring such an easy target are made even more praise-worthy because even by using recognizable sources, the youtube pooper manages to make something fresh and enjoyable. And I hardly could think of a more worthy example in January than this video Yakkers has made.

A classic youtube poop in feel, execution, and layout, the video follows the bungling Mr. T. desperately trying to hold back the lunacy of the infomercial he is trapped in, the lunacy brought about by clever sentence mixing and painstakingly funny reaction shots and pacing. When the adjectives used to describe a big, fat, juicy steak are instead used to describe an altogether different part of the Mr. T anatomy, I knew I had found something worth showing to you, Youchew. It will bring you back to a simpler time, when people strove not for forced creativity, or warred needlessly over stylistic preferences, but instead found simple pleasure in making a popular character say childish swear words.
A pleasure that is still to be relished in our time, Youchewsters.

Japanese Teachers are Easily Impressed by DaftpunkYoshi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Oo-Uy86v5M

Daftpunk is known for a style that relies often on heavy editing to get the point across, leading to what some would call a self-appointing title of “Windows Movie Master”, for having his editor of choice be the long-bastion of great AIDS and great lulz, the indomitable WMM. This heavy editing is in full force here, as we watch the highly non-sequential overtures of a Japanese teacher eerily concerned with the goings-on of a young Japanese boy. With this and the video by RAPeX, I will let the reader come to his or her own conclusions about the Japanese people.

I say non-sequential because in this video, it is not like the Mr. T poop, which tells a story through the course of a heavily warped infomercial. Here, one singular commercial is taken and broken up into tiny bits, rearranged, and edited mercilessly ad infinitum. Some criticize this type of approach to making youtube poops, while others praise it above all others. However, for whatever your view on the this great glorious shit medium, one cannot help be entertained by the constant jarring juxtapositions of the no-doubt pedophiliac school teacher, the views of the game boy color game itself, and the young boy oblivious to the chaos surrounding him. This great mess is a cacophony of caca, and one I think worthy not only of the alternative crowd of Chewsters, who proclaim that only through over-editing is their true poop, and the more traditional Chewfags, who insist on clever placement and pacing. A Poop for All Seasons, Youchew.

That is all I have the strength to report to you this time, fellow patriots. But do not let my singular illness stop you from enjoying these poops and many more at your own leisure. For in the hallowed walls of the Showroom, one always finds the truest remedies to all of life’s ills, whether that remedy be Dinner, Your Face, or even Dodongo Dong (all of which I assure you are very effective).

Silence Poopgood's Poop Reviews

November 18, 2009 By: Furnessly Category: Poop Reviews, Quick Reviews, Poop News 4 Comments →

Silence Poopgood, Youchew’s secret patriotic reporter, brings Youchew the scoop of poop news it deserves.

Well, Youchew, the sun rises on a new month, boundless in possibilities and limitless horizons open up for the proud daring inhabitants of Youchew Poop. However, before we surge ever onward to greatness destined for us, I took it upon me to make a reflection of October, in the second year of the reign of the oligarchy of Thereisnospoon and RabbitSnore. I look back on previous achievements, I sing a song of youtube poop and bravery, and above all, I wonder why my rocket is floating off into deep space. In these reflective moments, I took the time (like any proper youchew patriot) to visit the tragically oft-neglected Showroom, which holds the cradle and soul of the entire community in its haggard dry bosom. In the hallowed walls of the Showroom, I began to search around, pacing about and admiring the glory of our ancestors, and the doubtless glory that the future will bring. In doing so, I stumbled across two youtube poops made in October, and I was so impressed by their elegance and beauty the Muses filled my heart with a Pieridean melodies of admiration. I will do my best to describe these two youtube poops to you, so that you might not only watch and be delighted, but traverse the sacred Acropolis of Poop itself and find wonders therein that even I know little of.

The most boring Youtube poop of all time by retardskull

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AovqrUaayEA

I will admit, Youchew, that the title alone caught my eye on passing glance. I have seen many an onerous youtube poop, with poor pacing, over-reliance on cheap effects jumbled unintelligibly together, or tired slapdash jokes of no mirth… but a youtube poop boldly proclaiming itself as the most boring of them all, and by the laconic Englishman retardskull no less? This warranted further investigation.

Straightaways the video starts off very promisingly. The user already has a conception of what could possibly be the most boring choice of sources, and such an anticipation is rewarded even in the first second, and as a slow unadulterated clip begins to play, a smile broadens on your face, and the obviousness and blatant nature of it all is, as Youchew Patriot Yoshkins would describe it, “good medicine.”

Next, the video cuts to even more mundane footage, that seems to be repeated ad infinitum, with little or no editing to be seen. This continues the trend greatly, however, to the youtube poop’s credit, one does begin to feel bored by the endless onslaught of pure banality. However, a few slip-ups, speed-changes, and glitches along the way entice you to travel further down this rabbit hole, and like a diamond in the rough, only after a closer patient look does this video begin to shine with a brilliance.

The one minute introduction finally over, we begin my personal favorite segment of the whole video, in which a man who has perhaps the most monotone, soft, and utterly boring voice (along with a boring comb-over and wardrobe to match) begins to tell you how he makes his ‘mystery tea’. There is a sonorous musical quality to his voice that is both at once humorous and entrancing. The poop shifts to light sentence-mixing at this point, and the results I report back to you, Youchew, are glowing indeed. This segment is humorous because the main theme of creating the mystery tea is played off so well, and the absolutely uninteresting man is made watchable because of the mish-mash nature of what retardskull has him say, along with stutters occasionally jumping in to remove a sense of familiar coherence. When the man finally told me to simply “enjoy….. teeeeeeea” I was loving every moment of this apparently boring video.

After the second quarter dealing with tea, the poop begins to grow more complex and varied, as more and more sources are added in. The Mystery Tea Man returns for a short simplistic YTPMV moment which is wonderful in its brevity, and then the video continues its now fast barrage of boring uninteresting sources, including a Congressional hearing, a cat popping balloons, and a clip from BBC. However, these and more quickly jump in to break the slow and thoughtful nature of the poop to give in a wonderful fast pace… Only to return to the Mystery Tea Man telling us other activities we can do while we wait for our tea to cook. Then, cutting away from him once more, we are treated to a section of a BBC clip in which a politician explains his distaste and legal prerogatives against chocolate, which is cleverly spliced in for a natural effect. Even then, the absurdity remains high, in such quotes as “serious issues to be discussed, and I don’t think we should Derek Louis” Moments of nonsense like that only continue and are prevalent throughout the video, and since these sources are all so boring in their own right, the way they come together here makes them break past the threshold of mediocrity into something humorous and enjoyable.

The poop then cuts to a segment with a cartoon Biblical character drops a beat-box rhyme. I will leave the description at that.

The poop finally closes off as it should, with the Tea Man extolling the virtues of -what else- tea.

CAPTAIN LOU BECOMES A NECROPHILIAC by JakeSteel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HpOLbdaCI4

This youtube poop is made in honor of one of Youchew’s greatest patriots, Lou Albano, of memory ever glorious, and this heartfelt tribute to the legend is no hackneyed attempt; I attest to that. The video begins with a scene in the ever boring Hyrule Castle, this time strangely aloft in the upper regions of youtube poop heaven. Inside, the titular Link notes how cool it is to be in heaven, with the sagacious King agreeing. Link then wonders what the fallen hero Lou Albano is up to, and the rest of the video I can only assume is the explanation of what in fact Lou is up to now that he has gone up into the great heavenly dwelling place. Quickly does this poop assert itself with a barrage to the visual and auditory senses, Youchew, forceful just as Captain Lou himself was forceful and victorious in the wrestling ring where he first earned his fame. After declaring the start of a new series, the “Super Shit Show”, the poop begins in earnest with a revised edition of the classic Super Mario Brothers Super Show opening.

Sentence mixing is the name of the game for the segments dealing primarily with Lou and Luigi trying to impersonate a dead king (obviously referring here to Lou, a King among men), and Luigi performing less than satisfactory, to which Lou calls him ‘a disgrace’. The other side of the poop coin is the use of the classic Mario Bros. episode of Rotunda Land, in which Mario and his compatriots try to outwit the forces of the tyrannical and probably butch Queen Rotunda. The editing here is superb, my fellow friends, and JakeSteel has done a good job of juxtaposing both heavily edited segments, mirroring and flipping things, stutters, along with humorous sentence-mixing as well as references to CD-i, feats that always warm my heart.

As Lou and Luigi try their best to stop their frantic antics, so too does Mario, Toad, the Princess, and Luigi essay to survive a world crafted by JakeSteel in which nothing is as it seems; reality shifts and disappears beneath their Italiano feet, and even simple sentences no carry profane sexual innuendos. In short, they are now in the world of Youtube Poop, patriots, and from that brave poo world there is no turning back. The amount of precise detail and care is evident in this video; there will be no second best (and I expect none) for the great Captain himself, who no doubt watches with smiling recognition the effort Jake has poured forth in this poop.

Amidst the cacophony of loud noises and forceful stutters, Lou and Luigi are greeted by another dead king, Elvis, trying but failing to teach them a variation of the Mario which was popularized by Lou Albano. Failing at that, he decides instead to show them scenes from a sexy version of the Legend of Zelda cartoon. Again Jake rearranges a classic world into a fearful, strange, and ultimately satisfying one. By creating what can only be called a soft-core tentacle rape scenario among many other altercations, he, like any bold Youchewster redefines what is and what is not possible with a source material. No longer should we be afraid to assume the worst with simple stock animation from the 1980’s, he says; rather, we should always assume an action has sexual or denigrating connotations to it. As a fellow youtube pooper, I would not have it any other way, Youchew.

There are many more poops I saw, and many more I admired, as well. But to tell you of all of them would to write down what no amount of books could ever contain, Youchew. However, I did not write this so that you might know everything, but that you may come to believe in the words I have written; namely, the great amount of untouched treasure in the Showroom, the Sacred Sanctum of Youchew Poop. And while I may not be able to write everything or see everything, I leave it up to you, my beloved Chewsters, to go as well into those hallowed halls and find your own gems and diamonds, to learn and love them as Lou has encouraged you to participate in his beloved dance.

The Lou Albano Memorial Collab

November 07, 2009 By: RabbitSnore Category: Quick Reviews, Poop News 3 Comments →

To some, Lou Albano was known as a wrestler. To a lot, Lou Albano was known as Mario from the Super Mario Bros. Super Show. To many, Lou Albano was known as a hero, an idol, and a god. Captain Lou Albano, as he was known in the wrestling circuit, is also a pretty big name in the YouTube Poop community. Super Mario Bros. Super Show is a pretty popular source up for grabs and since the animated parts were dull and boring, that made more room for Captain Lou’s hilarious and editable live action role. Saying many memorable phrases such as “LUIGI I’M HOME,” and… that’s all I can remember at the moment, Lou became a staple in many videos. But the poop community would witness and event that would devastate everyone who used Lou as a source and cared about him. On October 14, 2009, thousands and thousands feel into grief to come about the news of Captain Lou’s death. At the age of 76, some would say he lived a pretty full life. But for many, it was just way too soon. In memory of Lou’s death, a man by the name of RabbitSnore set up a collab to assure Lou’s loving soul will rest in peace. Many dedicated fans of Lou quickly joined up on this opportunity to edit the holy hell out of his work just to show their loyal ness to the wrestler.

Whelt, one of the many collaborators involved with the memorial had this to say, “I joined because to me, the Super Mario Bros. Super Show is among one of the essential Youtube Poop sources that will never die. On top of that, I really did like his performance in the live action segments. The cartoons suffered poor writing and animation, but the live action skits were actually, well, funny. I know I would have enjoyed the show as a kid, but unfortunately I never saw it at all until I was introduced to YTP back in 2007.”

“I joined the Lou Albano collab becuase I thought it would be fun to poop the SMBSS,” said participant JakeSteel. “In addition, I also wanted to pay my respects to the Captain, and I think spending time to make something of his funny or entertaining (more than it already was) was a good way to do this.”

As entries started (slowly) pouring in, RabbitSnore started to put parts of the collab together. So far, I’m really enjoying what I see. It’s pretty interesting to see many different poop styles to come together in one video.

One of my favorite entries was AjaxCube’s. He’s really one that stands out of many of the others, because this is probably the heaviest edited poop in the whole collaboration. A lot of the masking and chroma keying is what really got me. I thought multiple Mario heads flying around the screen looked cool and impressive, knowing I couldn’t do something like that, even if I had the right programs. I was also pretty fond of the stuttering and frame switching used. The stutters were really used great and the frame switching (which has always been a favorite technique of mine) just wowed me.

Another entry that I rather enjoyed was TangerineImpz’s. Tang has always been one of my favorite poopers when it comes to making me laugh, and his entry was no exception. A lot of the repetition and sentence mixing (when different words are pasted together to make a whole new sentence, just so we’re not confusing it with word splicing) was downright hilarious. The slowing down with the distortion bit at the end was very amusing, especially at the very end where it cut to something else and then cut back to the distorted clip, which I thought was hilarious. Oh Tang, you never cease to amaze me.

One entry that really caught my attention was JakeSteel’s. The whole fast pace feeling made this entry enjoyable to watch. I thought a lot of the effects used looked pretty damn cool; especially that distorted colors look in the beginning. Now I’m not one to find word splicing that funny, but the quick little splices were pretty funny and sounded pretty original. A lot of the stutters really fit well into the poop. Adding a frame switching technique and some pitch shifts made it a lot more enjoyable. Overall, this was a pretty impressive entry.

I rather enjoyed Seanvol’s entry. I thought this one was pretty funny. I’m not one to find fast stutters hilarious, but I thought it was the best technique used. The slowed down clips were used perfectly. It really fit with the yelling and “wooing” used in the sources. Though, I think the only thing I didn’t like was probably the overuse of reversing. It seemed like that a lot of it really took up the poop itself. But other than that, I thought this was a well edited entry.

The last entry I’d like to review is Whelt’s. I’m not too fond to slow paced poops, but I actually liked this one. Some of the stutters used looked greatly used, and a lot of the jokes made me laugh. My weakness would have to be “dubbed jokes” (or when audio from a different clip is played over a different clip to make the person talking look like their saying something different) and when I heard a high pitched “dear pesky plumbers,” I knew that I would consider this a favorite. I also loved the end credit bit. Repeating “swing” was pretty funny, knowing it was used correctly (not too much, not too little). Overall, I really loved this entry.

Now these are just five of the 18 entertaining entries. I can’t really review all of them (well I could I’m just one man, people), but you can certainly check out the rest in the two videos currently posted. From looking at the list, we can hopefully see another video for the collab coming, since there seems to be a lot of poopers who would like to wait at the last second to make something and then hand it in as an entry (including myself), so with that said, come on people, we got to get our shit handed in to make this collab successful (if it isn’t already).

So in conclusion, I really enjoyed this collab. It really makes me happy to see many poopers with completely different styles to come together as one to honor one of the community’s favorite characters. So that we’re all aware, the deadline is November 15th, so for those of you that still haven’t handed in your entries, you’ll still have time if you start… now. With that said, we’ll miss you Captain Lou Albano. We’ll always remember by your hilarious dialogue in SMBSS, your constant yelling at interviewers, and informing me that it’s okay to say “no” if some crazy Vietnam veteran comes up to me and offers me cocaine. So, if you haven’t checked out this collab yet, be sure you do. You won’t regret it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sve7qT15RKs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XeluKN5BEI

Article by Quax.

Attempted Fordtopia

September 27, 2009 By: RideTheCatfish Category: Poop News, Site News, Uncategorized 20 Comments →

Silence Poopgood, Youchew’s secret reporter, brings Youchew the scoop of poop news it deserves.

Obsessing over an obscure actor is nothing new from what one observes in Youchew; it is rather commonplace with people talking and arguing about which Margaret Gyllenhaal movie is most praiseworthy, or whether Johnathan Reys Meyer’s work in The Tudors outstrips his performance in Titus. Another day, another dollar for the average forum-goer around here, right?

However, sometimes, things get taken way over the edge. When il duce (or what some would say el douche) Conrad Slater disabled posting images, when the current junta leaders TINS and RabbitSnore (also sometimes called el douche) closed down the forum for three months just to be dicks, and now, what future poopers will call the Attempted Fordtopia.

I won’t try to sensationalize things. I am going only going to report the true goings-on of this event. This may not make the work as exciting as some overblown account of a tennis match. My work is not to meet the needs of an immediate audience, but to last for all time.

The Attempted Fordtopia grew out of the insane whims of a fringe cult within YouChew. This cult had misread comments by the reputed “Moses” or more accurately, “Gay Luigi” of youtube poop, SuperYoshi, who stated in an offhand manner “youtube poops should totally be called Harrison Fords now”. Sometimes all it takes is a single verse to set off a brutal sectarian war. In any event, the fringe cult, called the Fordists, took this definition quite literally and began infiltrating every facet of Youchew society, until they gained a foothold in the seemingly-omnipotent-but-surprisingly-corruptible Moderating Staff. The leader of the Fordists, a man known as Fordly, began to tighten his grip around the moderators and administrators, who were too busy fondling each others’ dicks to be completely aware of what was happening in the forum (this is fairly common among the Youchew staff; Conrad was known to touch himself for hours before finally realizing that he needed to ban pimpsahoy yet again. As Sonic sez, that’s NO good).

With the moderators and Administrators under control, Fordly began the final steps preparing his attempted Fordtopia. He reveled in the prospect of fulfilling SuperYoshi’s prophecies, pleasing his lord god Harrison Ford, and doubtless being fellated by all the forum members who would love and embrace their new god.

So on September twentieth, in the year nine-and-two-thousand, the Fordists struck, piercing Youchew to its very core. It started with the forum icons, innocently enough. However, seeing as this was not convincing the people to convert, Fordly took drastic measures. Youtube Poops were now forcibly called Harrison Fords, with YTPMVs being declared henceforth as Morgan Freemans. But even that could not stop the cult from its single greatest act of depravity: turning every single forum user’s avatar into a picture of their beloved: Harrison Ford.

Youchew is not known as a community that takes things lying down, I am proud to admit that. I am then also proud to say that Youchewers mounted a fierce riot against their inalienable rights. Many said NO! to Harrison Ford. NO! to forced avatars. Forum veteran TurkeyBeef inspired the masses with her pithy rejection of the new standard: “Bah…”

However, the reach of the Fordists was long, and High Priests SeductiveFord and Missharrison10 moved in to crush resistance with characteristic moderator brutality. However, the line was now drawn between the Fordists and the patriots of Youchew.

Fordly tightened his grip; not only were the avatars changed, but now one could not change them back! Users stared into the abyss, and they only saw the face of Harrison Ford staring back at them.

After this, things turned ugly fast as the small group of embattled Youchew Patriots felt surrounded by the forces of the Fordists. The patriot sisters, TurkeyBeef and Peeweesarno, along with longtime Youchew-goer Randomizer (now called WoFC to escape charges of counterfeiting and child prostitution) set the example by striking off their avatars altogether. If they could not be free to choose their pixelated face to the world, they would have none at all. Their demonstration gave faith to the Youchew Patriots, and disheartened the Fordists. The Sub-Deacon Fordist known as NegroHarrison reportedly said angrily of the demonstration:

“YouChew complaining? What a shock. Honestly, you people act like you have nothing in life besides this forum. “

Former forum mascots were not pleased. An anonymous mascot had this to say:

“Taking away MY spot as rightful mascot!? Next time I see this Ford loser I’m gonna pile-drive his face right into my ultimate grill, and I mean it, brother!”

Said another anonymous mascot:

“Hey you! Get offa my forum!”

Interestingly enough, an even smaller fringe cult called the Ronald McDonald Wacky Adventure Enthusiasts tried to use the disorder to push their own god and beliefs. However, NegroHarrison scattered the cult quickly, saying:

“Better than Harrison Ford?

Are you TRYING to get banned?”

One member was not afraid of getting banned, though, and he might be attributed one of the decisive blows against the Fordists. Resident youtube poop lover and a frequent producer of giant robot pornography, RAKninja solemnly stated “I am not a Ford Cafe Employee.” These steady, dependable words from a steady, dependable man caused a new heart-swell of support for the Patriots, and put Fordly and the Fordists at a serious disadvantage. Despite actions by Cardinal Thereisnoford303 and Arch-Bishop Emperor Ford, RAKninja would not back down, going as far as to throw the image of the Fordists’ god right back at them:

“do you want there to be 1000’s of harrison ford topics?”

The Fordists, although blind in adoration of their lord, realized that their grip depended on the stability of the forum, so they looked for ways to combat the likes of RAKninja indirectly before calamity could claim them. Fordly was growing desperate, and the work of the brave youchew patriots was seriously starting to weaken Fordist control. Even acts of brutality like changing the name of beleaguered and innocent forum-member The Pope perfidiously into “The Ford” were met with not gales of laughter, but cold silence.

The killing blow came, as it often does in history, with a single letter. Youchew expatriate, the renowned fanfiction author, artists, and forum crusader, WhollyRufus, sent out this decree to the Fordists that was so crushing, that I feel it is my duty as a historian to post it here in its entirety:

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE FORUMS?!?!
I have noticed that recently you have revolutionized the forums look and feel to be promoting that of Harrison Ford. You displease me greatly! While it is better than changing everyones name to dumb@$$ (Yes, I’m talking about you, Miss 10!) you have still done something very bad. Think about it, some kid who has just been inspired by the works of WalrusGuy, Deepercutt or IAmTheGang starts making his own videos in his or, dare I say it, her avid quest for attention and find that you leading community has succumbed to the scourge of randomness and meme to become something not even poopish anymore. You’re user count will not go up, it will not go down it will just stop! Where do you think all these dissatisfied people will go to? ME! And you wouldnt want that now would you? I know what you’re thinking they’ll never accept me… Oh no? I’ll tell them how you banned me because I was becoming too powerful, and when I lead 10,000 angry poopers to simultaneously register on you’re site… I’ll be more than their leader… I’ll be their saviour!

Thank you for reading!”

The threat of 10,000 righteous Chewsters under the command of beloved exile WhollyRufus was too much for the Fordists. The acts of the Patriots, along with the second front under Wholly’s command, started to fracture all of their power bases. The eternal church of Ford was falling even as it rose meteorically to capture Youchew. Fordly and the other cultists, seeing as their time was up, took the way of their god and killed themselves by drowning in green slime.

Fordly died immediately, but Thereisnoford303 was reported as uttering under his last breath “The Black Dragon… live ON!”

And with that, peace returned to Youchew once more. The Attempted Fordtopia was no more.I hope that with this record we will learn to avoid such outbreaks and such wanton displays of destruction. I however am proud of the works of the Youchew Patriots. They would not accept such a heinous avatar change, and fought back like any Chewster should. They deserve our praise, and more importantly, our respect for their display of courage against the wicked Fordists. But be vigilant, Youchew. The Ronald Mcdonald Wacky Adventure Enthusiasts DID escape the great purging, and are active, though insignificantly small. Also, rumors are on the rise of a group calling themselves the Holy Cheaver Church, with the stated goal of “robbing the poor and fucking everything that moves”. Be wary Youchew, but never give up your resolve. Your will to fight. And most importantly, your avatars.

Archive for the ‘Poop News’

Ohayocon 2010: RabbitSnore's Account

Silence Poopgood’s Poop Reviews: January’s Accumulation

Silence Poopgood's Poop Reviews

The Lou Albano Memorial Collab

Attempted Fordtopia

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